10.28.16

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10/28/16

10:30pm

It’s hard sometimes to see through all the thoughts soaring…searing…through my mind. Like continuous lightening. Not even in flashes, but as a constant electrical flood! All at once! Every YES!-I-Must-Do-That! idea bolting simultaneously so I can barely focus on one at a time. I’ve begun having to sit for a moment before typing or writing to say, “What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?” or “Password. Password. Password.” to force the matching thought to come through before I move on to something else entirely before even beginning what I sat down to do.

And then I have about twelve tasks and half written, or barely begun, emails, and Google searches open all at once. 

How on Earth will I get it all done?

Can I be more organized in any way? At all?

Is there “hope”?

But once my mind is in work mode, that’s it. It’s off and running! All the horses at once!

And that’s how it is.

I think I should just go with my own flow rather than resist it or try to change it, no matter how overwhelmed I can get. As long as I am flowing through my action. Through the action on my ideas my mind becomes like the ocean. Tides and waves. It’s when I simply sit and think that I can get lost and start to drown. 

And all this chaos – as it may appear to others – and at times myself – is how I operate. So be it. It’s mine. And attempting to follow other’s advice on how to operate will only lead to the drowning.

*

So I flash and I swirl and I churn and I crash like a thunder storm over the ocean, starting late afternoon, unexpectedly, catching you off-guard as lightening bolts down over your head, dangerously close, yet making you wonder and in love with it all the same.

*

Now that I’ve written it out, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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