“The newness of always
is jarring, like love,
beside us each step,
ready for us to turn
and face it.”
– excerpt from Valentine for March 19th (written February 2015)
Yes, and so, I feel that when we come into new levels in our lives, releasing old habits, and turning a different corner – it’s not that whatever we’ve just discovered wasn’t there before; it’s that we weren’t ready to turn and face it. All that we hope to achieve or receive is actually beside us, each step of our life, waiting patiently to be seen, received, and achieved. But let us not beat ourselves down for whatever we cannot see!
How I conceptualize this is that our reality has layers to it, and we must take our time fully understanding each layer, or else be paralyzed by overwhelm. Truly exist in your current layer! Be so curious about it, that you are even willing to experience the pain of it. Love your current layer. The next one will do you no good without this…in fact, you’ll never see the next layer without this.
This is my latest jarring experience of the newness of always: understanding my own statement in a new way within a new layer of my experience.
And I say “jarring” because going through the physical experience of a concept you’ve understood intellectually, is like a punch in the gut or a slap in the face – it shakes you – it’s jarring. But again, the layers: be introduced to a concept, get shaken!, mull over it, grasp it, experience it, get shaken!, reintegrate the new understanding, be introduced to a new concept…
Perhaps my next concept will totally rip this to shreds, however…it remains to be seen.
(March 8th, 2015)