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11/21/16
past midnight
Oh, this is the last thing I want to be doing right now. Sitting here and writing a blog post. What good does it do? I’m not even marketing it properly, apparently. According to marketing advice I’ve read and received. Getting my SEO in order. Packaging and images and key word focus. Can the writing process even be enjoyable anymore when I’m swamped in To-Do’s and overwhelmed by all I haven’t gotten done yet. “I’m a lazy failure,” I think to myself amidst the pile of the things surrounding this tiny post; to do it in any way where it might create some slight ripple of noticeability. Why do I want it to have noticeability anyway? Another thing to figure out.
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Yet today I remember a spiritual coaching I received where my teacher told me, “You can never get it wrong (i.e. your choices in life) and you can never get it done.” There will always be more to work on and get done. The choices we make are never a finality, only the next steps on the journey.
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I have no purpose, really, with these daily posts. Other than to get them done (which is futile according to the above advice). Write something and post it everyday. Why? I don’t know why this needs to be public. Perhaps so I will feel more driven to do it. And why should I want to feel driven to do it? I don’t know. Yet, here I am, doing it. I heard advice about daily blogging and it struck me. So I made that choice.
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And I’m not yet successful. I haven’t written everyday since I’ve started. I’ve certainly not gotten posts out at a timely hour. I’m haven’t got my marketing down. So, it’s a struggle and a process. It’s an exploration. It’s a question. The doing it is the question. Living my question. Discovering my question. The pulse of all my actions, perhaps. The why? The why am I here and what am I meant to learn if this life is my current teacher. (And yes, I believe it is). And…the question will always be.
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