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12/24/16
(remembered)
I came through darkness and into today with more clarity. It wasn’t quite the bright shining light of total healing abundance and overwhelming love that absolves all obstacles; as I had glimpses of feeling (or had wanted to feel); but there was new air to breath in. My lungs opened wider to take it in. My head felt lighter. My heart, relaxed. There was light upon my face.
*
Our darkness feels terrible, but here I am now. And it is over. And I’m not sure I’d be better off without having felt all the darkness of my whole life undulating through me. The pain. Oh that pain. I did surrender to it. Which is it’s own version of glory. Here I Am – Destruction.
*
I remembered the advice I had given to another: To love our anger and our hate as one part of accepting ourselves as we are – the first step to loving ourselves. I said to myself, as I told her to say to herself: “Thank you Anger and Hate for caring so deeply about me. I know now that I am deserving of much more from life than I have had in the past. Thank you for making this known to me. You may now move on.” It felt good to remember. To find my own way. I didn’t have to fear my darkness, but simply be it.
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